Wednesday August 27th 2008

one-liners

One liners…

Published by Dysantic at 9:44 pm under Hilarity

Some of these are old, but they’re still good:

Thoughts From a Wandering Mind

  • I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
  • I had amnesia once… or twice.
  • Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
  • If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
  • What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
  • Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.
  • Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
  • Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
  • One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  • My weight is perfect for my height… which varies.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
  • How can there be self-help “groups”?
  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
  • Is it just me or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

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