Believe it or not, but I like one-liners like these!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
6. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
11. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
12. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
13. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
14. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
15. A backward poet writes in-verse.
16. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
18. Don’t join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

My favourites are #8, #10, and #14.  

Mom, thanks for having an awesome sense of humour, and sharing it with me.