Recently, I decided to be one of “those people”, and add my cats to Facebook with their own profile. The idea was more of a joke than anything else, where both Coconut and Pashmina would have their own feline friends, and we’d see how many people and other cats would add them. Yeah, it’s silly, but I love my cats, and didn’t think it would be an issue.

Turns out, Facebook has a list of acceptable names, and while Pashmina is one of them, Coconut is not. Go figure.

So, Facebook has a link where you can submit a request to have the application reviewed, and considering that I had to verify the email address I created specifically for Coconut, I thought the issue was moot, and that whomever on the Facebook team got the request would simply allow it to go through. This wasn’t the case. Here is the email I got back from them, explaining the process I have to go through to get a Facebook account should a submitted name not be on their “approved” list:

Subject:       Re: Name Rejected
From:       “The Facebook Team”
Date:       Thu, June 4, 2009 7:30 am
To:       “Coconut Roberts”

Hi,

Facebook does not allow people to sign up with certain names that may be fake or associated with fake accounts. While we realize this verification method may prevent some people with legitimate names from initially registering, we feel this policy is currently the best method to prevent against malicious and fake accounts on the site.

We can help you sign up for an account, but we will need additional information. Please reply to this email with a scanned image or digital picture of a government-issued ID (e.g., driver’s license) in order to confirm the accuracy of your name. Also, make sure you black out any personal information that is not needed to verify your identity (e.g., social security number). Keep in mind that we will permanently delete your ID from our servers once your name has been verified.

We apologize for the inconvenience, but you will be unable to sign up until you provide us with a scanned image of a government-issued ID. Please include all of our previous correspondence in your response so that we can refer to your original inquiry.

Thanks in advance for understanding this security policy,

[dude's name removed]
User Operations
Facebook

They want me to send them a copy of my identification so I can sign up for a free Facebook account? I can understand the need to try and limit online predators and other scum who frequent social networks with only bad intent in their hearts, but this seems to be a rather large step.

It was suggested to me that I could always Photoshop a drivers license together with the name “Coconut Roberts”, but I can’t be bothered to pursue the issue any further. It’s not like my cats surf the ‘net all the time. 

(using the shitty scale – listed weight might not be accurate)

Breakfast

• Three hard boiled eggs

Lunch

• Two cans of Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup with one can of Natrel lactose-free skim milk (together 850ml)

Dinner

• Three chili Yves Veggie Dogs on three slices of Dempster’s Body Wise low-carb bread

Living Life

• Three bottle of Corona

Snacks

• A bunch of Saltines crackers

When it comes to steak, I always keep a look out for flank steak, as there are times that I can’t find it for a while. Tonight, as I was deciding on what slice of cow to devour, this chunk caught my eye… and not for the simple fact that it was flank steak.

I’ll eat this baby over the course of two meals. There was a time when I’d be able to consume a steak of this size in a single sitting… but those days are behind me.